In my past experiences with Grindr, I have been subjected to various moments of rejections, actually, with just one reason: I am not masculine. In the first place, I am not a straight man, I am gay. Hence, I can’t be 110% masculine. I don’t have deep voice. I don’t have gym abs. I am not manly.
This ‘masc4masc’ rhetoric in gay culture tries to establish yet another facet of male domination: that they can only entertain, meet, or date gays who are also masculine, or ‘straight-acting’. At first, I saw no problem in it, but as I become more aware of the beautiful spectrum of LGBTQIAP+ and its challenges in today’s society, I think this rhetoric is more than just a preference, but a symptom of a long-established problem of humanity: patriarchy.
Patriarchy holds men in power, over women. It may be practiced at home, in school, at work, in politics, even in media. This ideology gives power, and privilege, to men. More so, a patriarchal society would uphold this male identification and male-centeredness: that there should be a set of standards on what it means to be “manly”, whether in aspects of personality, appearance, rationality, career, or competitiveness. This way, what is masculine, and feminine becomes natural, or general, or universal. Subsequently, this leads to a heteronormative thinking. A man should be doing this and a woman should be doing that; a man should be like this; a woman should be like that. Dichotomies are formed based on the gender roles, or stereotypes affixed to men and women. This, this is the root of all issues of LGBTQIAP+.
While ‘masc4masc’ may be disguised as a preference, we cannot deny the fact that it dictates how ‘masculine’ a gay guy should be; how I should act like a straight guy, in order to feel belonged, to feel not “less than”. I am not masculine; I am an effeminate gay man. And having to be one in a ‘masc4masc’ culture feels like I am inessential, unworthy, undesirable.
Moreover, the existence of this ‘masc4masc’ culture appears to be a little bit superficial for me, at least based on my past experiences, and what I read on my social networking sites like Twitter. Superficial because, those who are into ‘masc only’ define masculinity as something physical, no more no less. The only way they can think of masculinity is that ‘it isn’t feminine’. How could this be so? Could this mean they’re trying to avoid not to be feminine, by pursuing those who are masculine? Or are they really comfortable acting as masculine gay? What does this idea say about themselves? What does it say about patriarchism? To me, this concept of masculinity in a physical sense conforms to the ideal standards of a patriarchal society. That anything other than the ideal (which is being feminine) is considered ‘less than’.
So much can still be addressed on this ‘masc4masc’ attitude. There can be some valid reasons why some gay men would prefer masculine gays, or some would avoid effeminate gays, or why some gay men would work hard to subscribe to the ‘masc4masc’ culture.
As for me, the spectrum of LGBTQIAP+ is far more worthy than to be cracked into just being masculine and feminine. We are so much more. Happy Pride! Lovelovelove
The Orphan Boy 